Itachi Aniki by Me
by Shieglr
Summary: Sasuke's thoughts on his brother. What they used to share and what he wants from Itachi, recognition. But with Itachi, getting recognition is like ordering a drink from a blind bartender.[twoshot?]
1. As kids, as blood relatives

Summary – Sasuke and his memories about Itachi. An introspective piece about the strength of family ties and bonds that two people may share. No real setting, think of it as Sasuke writing it all down.

Author notes – Naruto and it's characters do not belong to her.

Author's notes – This may be slightly AU-ish, cause I didn't really bother to go read about their past. But since the point where I saw Sasuke smile at Itachi even though Itachi refused to spend time with him that day I felt that they must have been really close as kids. Chapter has sort of been beta-d so that means less dangerous to read. So if you can't preserve your insanity when you see a typo or a grammatical error, this is still life-endangering.

Enjoy.

---

'_Huh? Who is this strange new person? He...he wooks wike me!' That day, I had stared into his eyes and something I had seen there made me giggle (not much did, even then). Giggles turned to laughter and (even till this day I don't know why) I had reached up with my still stubby fingers and poked him in the nose. His face radiated surprise first, as if it were his first time being poked (it was), then his lips curved up into a slight smile and he poked me back, gently. I had found a friend. _

That had been my first encounter with Itachi. When we were but children, he was my only friend, not our parents. They had treated me with the sort of polite detachment that a teacher would show to any student. That had been satisfying and sufficient; I had Itachi and that was all I needed.

Allow me to digress for a moment. This Itachi is much different from the later Itachi. I didn't really know (I still don't know) what had happened to him that caused him to become so power-hungry. Some told me it was because of the Sharingan, while some said it was because being the Anbu captain corrupted him (though that was highly improbable), some even dared suggest that Itachi was just that sort of person (implying that it was doomed to be so from the day he way born). I didn't believe them, the Itachi-aniki I had known would never have done that.

Anyhow, I had always been told, by those who had known me when I was a child, that I had been a brat when I was younger. I would sit around and whine and fuss (believe it) about anything and everything and no one could ever shut me up, everyone except Itachi-aniki of course. My nursemaid would complain (loudly) to Itachi-aniki about me when she thought I wasn't listening, Itachi-aniki (he always knew I was listening) would politely smile and nod his head and agree to help her shut me up. We would always share a good laugh about her complains after that.

And up till when I was five, I had been secluded away from most of the clan (somewhat resulting in my anti-social ways) and the only people I usually met were my parents, the nursemaid (pesky old woman she was) and Itachi-aniki. Thus I didn't really meet many people and I don't really remember a lot, but I do remember most of the times I spent with Itachi-aniki.

We used to just sit around and talk or play and sometimes Itachi-aniki would tell me stories about some of our great ancestors. I was always fascinated by his stories and the legendary Sharingan and would always ask to be told again even when I had heard all of them many times before. It was the enchanting way that Itachi-aniki would speak about them that drew me to them so much.

Sometimes when we talked, I would fall asleep on Itachi-aniki's lap and, similarly, I would awake there. Sometimes he was asleep, but most of the time he was already awake. It was hard to catch Itachi-aniki asleep, because whenever I awoke his eyes would instantaneously snap open. I later found out that he never was asleep, just feigning it. (And for the record, he looked very cute when he was asleep, or even when he was just pretending to sleep)

I also remember asking him about the lines he had on his face once (it is a good memory). I was three when I had asked him why he had wrinkles on his face, and said that I thought only old people like Otou-san had them. He had chided me for calling Otou-san old (even though I could tell he was fairly amused) and then said he didn't know either. I still remember tracing them with my fingers then squishing Aniki and saying that I thought he looked cool with them. (I wonder what he would say if I did that now)

When Itachi-aniki had started to go to the academy, I was just about two. I just took to toddling after him everywhere he went. When he returned from school I would hug his leg and he would pat me on the head and smile. It was this daily routine that Otou-san had spoilt. Shortly after Itachi-aniki had graduated from the academy he had went under intensive training, for he was the eldest heir to the clan. Otou-san was always saying stuff about aniki, about how good he was, how brilliant a leader he would make. At first I was proud for aniki (you must understand that I was close to hero-worshipping him then) and I would nod and smile to everything Otou-san said. But after a while, I got sick off hearing Otou-san constantly talking about aniki, he never really spent time with me anymore. What time he used to spare to play with me became used for time to train Aniki. As such, I was seeing both of them far less than I liked. I never said anything.

The days after that were simply downright boring. With no Itachi-aniki around, life was rather mundane for me. Some days I would sit outside and watch Otou-san and Aniki train, though that made me feel all the more lonely, so I stopped it after a while. On hot days, I would remain indoors and learn to read. On cooler days, Oka-san might allow me to follow her around the village. Even so, times where I left the house were still minimal. I suppose it had been that time that I realized that Aniki had been an essential part of my life.

After Aniki graduated from the academy, it didn't get worse like I had expected. Aniki was a brilliant ninja and Otou-san knew it. Now that Aniki had graduated top in class, (having spent a record shortest time in the academy, and with the reputation of one of the brightest students the academy ever had) he could stop worrying about Aniki being anything less than that. Whatever time Aniki didn't spend with his team and sensei was spent with me, thankfully. I would always beg him to teach me some of his cool ninjutsus, but he would always refuse, though he never gave a reason. But a kid like I always had a short attention span and I myself would always change the direction of the conversation without even thinking.

A year after, he had begun to use the Sharingan. I almost **did** start to hero-worship him then, he had seemed so similar to the hero's in the legend of our family. For a few days I had stared in amazement at him and almost everything that came out of my mouth would somehow end with 'aniki-sama'. Aniki had not been amused. After those few days, he had stopped me in a corridor (not a hard feat, considering I was right behind him) and patiently explained to me that almost everyone in the family would get the Sharingan and that he wasn't a legend or anything of the like. I believe I made him regret telling me that, because for the next for days I constantly pestered him with questions asking if one day I would get them too. He was none too happy about that, especially since I had bounded into his room one early morning and woke him up (with the noise that I created in opening the door) asking (for just about the millionth time) when I would get mine. I could tell he was very tempted to just roll over and pull the blankets over his head and pretend he was asleep. (Aniki had always been like that)

And again, one year later, Aniki proved himself to be the prodigy of the family when he became a chuunin at the young age of nine. When Otou-san had proclaimed it to be a sign of the gods, that Aniki had been sent to revolutionise the arts of the ninja, he had almost rolled his eyes in amusement. He hadn't, but I did. Aniki being a chuunin meant that he would once more be spending more time doing missions. I was already growing up splendidly as a child and most of the education that I needed to receive before I could attend the academy was already in place. After Itachi-aniki became a chuunin, we didn't see each other for long periods of time for quite a while. Some of the missions took him out of Konohagure for weeks on end, while my education would keep me occupied for the larger part of the day. We missed seeing each other, it was a fact.

The years after that were mainly uneventful, up till Itachi decided that he didn't really like our clan and figured that he'd be better off killing them. Itachi was always my older brother, still is. The only thing that is different now is that he used to be my friend and now he isn't. He was my friend when I first met him, was my friend when we played together as children, was my friend when he risked Otou-san's wrath by refusing his order to take the Anbu test just to attend an academy ceremony to watch me. He wasn't my friend when he massacred my clan, wasn't my friend when he tried to kidnap Naruto, wasn't my friend when he tried to kill me.

But I guess it was fated to happen. It's like that isn't it? Friends...they don't last, they come together, after a moment they go down different paths. That was what happened, he went his way, it just wasn't the way the he was expected to go. I guess that it's proof that sometimes, blood isn't always thicker than water. It's just harder to get rid of.


	2. Do you see me now?

Summary – Sasuke wants Itachi to see who he is, to recognize him and make him what he's worth.

Author notes – Naruto and it's characters do not belong to her.

Author's notes – This may be slightly AU-ish, it's a continuation of 'Itachi Aniki by Me' but focuses more not on their past relationship but on what Sasuke expects of Itachi and, more subtly, what Itachi expects of Sasuke.

Enjoy.

---

It was a lie, maybe not so obviously, still a lie. In fact, it's hanging on the edge of being true. Maybe it isn't really a lie after all. That's a lie too. I don't really know what to make of it. I _do_ want to kill Itachi, even though he is my brother, but maybe it isn't all about revenge at all. I don't know, I wouldn't know.

_Do you know? _

Not much of what I have ever done seems to justify to Itachi who I am to him. Am I his younger brother? Am I person who will kill him? Perhaps. It still remains to be seen. Am I his pursuer in all things excluding love? Yes. Am I a ninja worthy? No. You see, that is the problem. I'm half sick of shadows.

_But you were never in one, were you?_

A pothole, yes, a pothole, that's what he left behind. A pothole of things, of doubts, of emotions, of questions, of expectations. Right in the middle of a road, my road, for me to trip over and fall into. I think that he knew what he had done very clearly, even when his eyes had been stained with blood and death. Perhaps he had chosen to spare me, but every time I think that, anger rises in me, along with self-doubt. It's not about the question of whether I was worth anything, or nothing. It's about whether _what_ I am worth, _what_ I can be, _what_ I **am**, what does it all mean to him, does he recognize it? Aniki has always had the clearest foresight of all the Anbu Ninjas, that's why he was a captain, but somehow he was blind to me.

_You can't see that can you? _

I still wonder what Aniki think he's doing, because he doesn't want to see, that he doesn't comprehend me. Obviously I envy him, sometimes. When I get into my when-the-hell-did-Naruto-become-so-strong moods, I envy him, if he can kill his best friend, so can I. It's simply a matter of whether I must. He's psychedelic, in both senses you could say. 'Flashy entrance, Flashy exit' He could be like Orochimaru at times. I can almost see the bright lights dancing around him and Kisame when they stride in and tell every one to stick-up-their-hands-and-this-is-a-robbery! But there are some things I wouldn't ever trade with him. Having Naruto and Sakura as partners isn't half as bad as having Kisame for a partner. For one, Naruto and Sakura don't smell half as fishy as Kisame does. You know, something like that.

_But you don't know, because you aren't listening to me, are you?_

As I said, it wasn't really a lie, perhaps it's more of not telling the entire truth. Two wrongs don't make a right, it's like how two brother's don't have to be entirely happy with each other. Negative negative only really works out in mathematics I suppose. Perhaps it's about hating what you are. Perhaps it's more about hating what you are to others. To people, I'm a shadow, I hate it. Shikamaru would probably hate me for saying that, that is if he ever makes the effort to. I'm half sick of shadows.

_You don't ever do make an effort, do you? _

Behind ever statement, there's always a hidden meaning, a hidden question. As is now, what do you see me as, Aniki? There's always that hidden question every time I see you, but you never see it. Is it because you just can't, or is it because you don't wish to? There are only so many times you can avoid my question. And when that time comes, will you hear me? Are you afraid of me, Aniki, do you just want to be impartial to what I have become? Tell me. I'm not a child anymore Aniki, I'm not scared of ghosts. Do you hate me? Do you even recognize me? My name is Uchiha Sasuke, I am not just your kid younger brother, not just a fellow ninja like you, I am Uchiha Sasuke, I am what you make me. (1)

_What do you make of me Aniki, what do you?_

Don't make everything I've ever worked for become a lie Itachi. I'm already half sick

of your shadows.

---

(1) A reference to the prologue of the novel 'Bonsetter's daughter' by Amy Tan. I'm trying t o create a situation similar to hers with Sasuke. Luling tries to remember her Mother's family name and she repeatedly beseeches her mother, whom she calls Precious Auntie, to help her remember her identity. Similarly, Sasuke is trying to find out who he really is to his brother, and asks (though it comes across as rather demanding than asking) him to tell him the answer to the question of his identity. This isn't a very significant reference, but it's interesting to know.


End file.
